Picture the scene: I am at an event for over two hours. 60 guests have been celebrating with clinking glasses, fiddly canapés and good humoured conversation. It is time for me to depart and leave them to enjoy the end of the evening. I put my cards away, pack away my bag and congratulate the happy couple, the event organiser or the birthday girl one last time. I wander through the crowd and say goodbye to everyone I have met. If I am firing on all cylinders, I can refer to 80% of them by name.
The power of recalling someone’s name after hearing it once, two hours previously in a noisy party venue, is something that my audiences find utterly astonishing. Remembering names is a skill people wish they could master. To see a stranger walk into a room and remember the vast majority of monikers is something that cannot be a trick. It is the closest thing I do that is pure magic.
This power can transform a performance. Referring to people by name always helps me form a closer bond with them. I can create a story before their eyes that is far more compelling if I weave their name into the narrative. A little moment of personalisation that often goes unnoticed, but has a deep effect.
Why is this so powerful? Our name is a perfect signifier of our importance, our existence. If I create a moment where I invoke your own personality into the magic, experience has taught me you will be far more intrigued as I craft a moment of connection between us. It is a maxim amongst magicians that guests may not remember what we do, but they will never forget how we make them feel. Folding their name into the drama and therefore acknowledging their part in the magic enhances their emotional investment in the event that they are witnessing.
People often ask me for tips on how to train their memory, thinking that I have some Magic Circle secret that I can impart. There are some tips that I can share if you want to get better at remembering names at a party. But I will tell you before hand that, for me at least, it is a matter of brute strength rather than crafty secret.
Firstly, I walk into the room with the intention of learning everyone’s name. I have been known to vocalise this intention. Nothing helps more than being clear about your goal. If I am not working and I happen to be introduced to a host of new people, I am often not motivated to learn names. Consequently, 7 minutes later, most of them have probably slipped out of my mind. If I enter a space with a determination to learn as many as possible, that alone is half the battle. Concentration on the purpose is key.
I then look to repeat the name I have just been told as often as I can, without sounding weird about it! I find that if I physically say a name out loud several times, it settles into my memory far more securely. This is the same reason that if you can’t remember where you put the keys, it has been shown that they will spring into view far quicker, if you narrate your previous movements out loud. Any possible opportunity I can grab to reiterate the collection of sounds I have just heard solidifies the word in my head.
Finally, if there is any ambiguity in their name, I ask about it. This serves multiple purposes. For example, if someone tells me that their name is Claire, then I will ask if it is with an “I” or without an “I”. This not only gives me a chance to say it out loud again, but it also gives them a little more individuality in my mind. It also flatters the guest who is being asked about the details of their name. People usually have many stories of others mangling their name. If the name given is slightly out of the ordinary and I can spell it back to them, I often receive a little yelp of excitement. If the name is Aoife or Jyoti, and I nail the spelling first time, then I am regularly told that I am the first person to have spelled it correctly. Ego boosts all round.
Of course, it doesn’t always go to plan. There are rooms that I walk into where I am having to concentrate on making the magic work in unusual circumstances. Such rooms require my concentration on the performance first. Other events have over 500 people to meet and the chances of me returning to meet people are slim and their name can easily slip from the front of my mind.
However, if at a party of 60-70 invitees I can recall the names of 70 to 80% of them, guests laugh harder and gasp louder. An audience becomes warmer far quicker. At the end of the evening I am lauded for connecting so personally with everyone. The reactions are as strong as if I have just pulled a bank note out of a kiwi fruit!
There are many ways of creating true magic. Making a playing card disappear with no possible explanation is one thing. Making someone feel noticed and important is just as incredible.